I suppose one could guess that my spiritual path began with a sudden, great big ‘awakening’ that shook me to my core, challenged my beliefs and opened my senses so vastly that I was suddenly able to see angels and other beings of light and also hear their voices speaking to me. Well, guess again dear reader because quite frankly, none of that happened. And yet, I consider myself to be pretty spiritually inclined and also ‘quite’ awake (Awake? What does that even mean you might ask) to my own spiritual journey.
There are many definitions of spiritual awakening or enlightenment such as those contributed by Adyashanti, Mooji or Buddha. For purposes of this article, I’ll be referencing awakening according to my own experience, best described as the moment(s) in which I was awakened to sensing, feeling and knowing my truest essence, or in other words, the moments in which I felt most united and sure of who this person I call Diwa, really is. And boy, was it scary and it still sometimes is, but I’ll delve more into that below.
Although I had always been interested and participated in spirituality and alternative wellness practices and healing modalities, I only really started my spiritual journey without even realising that I was doing so about two years ago. Due to a new job posting, my husband had to relocate out of town to an island resort and naturally I followed. It was here, on a lush, tropical, rainforest-island surrounded by the sea and many hours of the day to fill my time with that I began a life-long dream of mine; to write children’s books. And subsequently, I fell back into another well-loved practice; yoga. And then one day I learned how to make mala necklaces (which are used for meditation in case you’re wondering) and that further inspired a combination of my spirituality and creativity. In my mala necklaces I found that I was able to blend my growing knowledge of crystal stones with my intuition for creating designs that were representative of not only my customer’s needs, but also each design was seemingly able to capture the essence of its owner in the form of its colour, energy or style. There was a energetic connection that I was learning to tune-in to and it became stronger with each mala that I knotted.
Several months later, I participated in a breathwork workshop for the very first time and I can truly say that this was a very significant, life-altering experience for me as little did I know at the time, but breathwork would turn out to be my catalyst into spiritually awakening. Hours after attending this first breathwork I had resolved that I wanted to learn how to teach and hold space for this practice and how wonderful was it that a facilitator training workshop was to be held in Ubud, Bali a few months after. I went to Bali. And I’m pretty positive that the ‘me’ that went to Bali has never been the same since. I clearly had no idea of the journey that lay ahead.
My facilitator training was as beautiful as it was tough; emotionally more than anything. On one hand, I was learning and experiencing all these beautiful self-love techniques and practices that were really opening my eyes and my heart to new ways of being, seeing and feeling. And on the other hand, each time I opened my heart to loving myself a bit more, parts of me were chipped away at and examined and that was really tough on me. Allowing myself to feel vulnerable like never before and also loved like never before, came with a lot of self-doubt, fears and tears. Not to mention that my inner-critics were also having the time of their lives. But it was from this darkness and pain that I learned that being vulnerable is the same as being strong, how to lovingly accept all parts of me and that importantly, it was totally OK for me to claim and step into my power. The night I had this breakthrough, I remember sobbing and sobbing for a very long time out of a very deep sense of surrender, acceptance and self-love for all that I was. And the next day, I showed up, swollen eyed but brighter and more grounded in myself than I ever felt in a very long time.
Upon graduating from my breathwork training, I came home with a new understanding of self-love and very much thought that I had ‘awakened’ even more. Looking back now, seven months along, I think I had and I hadn’t. My journey to understanding myself had only just begun and once again, I had no idea of what lay ahead.
After being in a loving, nurturing cocoon of breathwork, ‘conscious and awakened’ beings and lots of positive energy that is Ubud, everything back home felt harsh and not aligned to this new energy I was embodying. I began to reassess everything that mattered to me; family, friendships, social circles and activities, my personal interests, how I was being, what I was saying, what I was thinking, what I was eating and yes, even my marriage. Again, it was tough. I was once more opened up to situations of intense emotion, vulnerability, uncertainty and fear. This time however, I was better equipped to hold space for these challenges and they became my biggest and most profound learning experiences.
Today, I’m dedicated to a spiritual practice that consists of yoga, breathwork, meditation, connecting to my spirited soul tribe and most importantly, listening to my inner-self. I love a lot more about myself that I didn’t before, I am more aware of myself that I was before, I am more in touch with myself than I was before and I am truly learning to accept, welcome and to whole-heartedly love everything about me.
I am still learning and growing on this spiritual path for this journey doesn’t end, it only continues for as long as we give it the grace to. I’m grateful that I have been able to have many happy and not-so-happy experiences to help shape my path and I am learning to recognise that each challenge or hurdle is an opportunity for me to use what I know to hold space for something better and lovelier to grow. And this is why walking this path is so essential to me. I know I am here to share my life-purpose and this involves community, empowerment, enabling self-love and being a light bearer. The more I give myself permission to walk closer to my heart, the closer I can walk with those around me too.